Elissa Brown sends these in. They’re actually pretty good, with a quite reasonable Ogden-Nash-style rhythm and a certain amount of statistical content. It’s good to know that the kids today are learning useful skills in their graduate programs.

You are perfect; I’d make no substitutions

You remind me of my favorite distributions

With a shape and a scale that I find reliable

You’re as comforting as a two parameter Weibull

When I ask you a question and hope you answer truly

You speak as clearly as a draw from a Bernoulli

Your love of adventure is most influential

Just like the constant hazard of an exponential.

With so many moments, all full of fun,

You always integrate perfectly to one.

And here are a bunch more:

A frequentist would say the chances of love are small,

using 1 in a million as an close approximation.

But I’d rather let a Bayseian make the call,

who would conclude it’s certain based on observed

information-+-

I’m aiming for a p-value less than .01

That you and me together could have lots of fun

The R2 of those before you were really quite poor

But the multiple comparisons problem we’ll just ignore-+-

I used to think you were a little proc mean

But now I see that I was wrong

Your data is much more classy than I’d seen

So how ’bout we get our proc freq on?-+-

Some hypothesize all love turns sour

And that even the hottest flame will grow dull

That’s why you and I should combine our power

And once and for all reject the null-+-

You’re the apple of my pi

You’re the square to my chi

You’re the source of my love, shining and nu

And that is why I love mu-+-

They say that Y equals m-x plus b

(well, when you remove the uncertainty).

So let me reveal a secret confession:

You’re the solution to my least squares obsession.-+-

In this world, I seek a fellow actuary;

but I am careful to avoid those who are ancillary.

When I need some help estimating my coefficient,

you, my dear, are minimal and sufficient.-+-

I may know all things statistical

But how to win your love is far more mystical

I could derive and integrate with great flair

And we could make a perfectly correlated pair-+-

#2 in the homework? I’ll show you what I got:

My heart’s the confounder in Y-dot-dot

Just check out the box and spaghetti plots

Now let’s get to rejecting H sub naught!-+-

H0: All is lost, our love is not mean to be

Ha: Oh happy day, you really like me

Our favorite test statistic says p=0.053

That’s a little high but it’s good enough for me-+-

WSR, WRS, MWU

The highest rank of love is in group You

Distributions lead to models that aren’t very true

Because parameters our love most readily eschews-+-

Help! My heart’s survival is approaching zero

There’s been no recurrence of love to observe

So do me a favor and be my hero

And flatten the shape of my survival curve-+-

You could say my love life was missing

And my crushes so dismissing

But then I had an idea most astute:

A new lover I could impute!

And now how I’m enjoying lots of kissing.-+-

I’ve suffered through dates that were very extreme

When all I was hoping for was closer to the mean

Their knowledge of boring facts was encyclopedian

When it would have been better to be on the other side of the median

And eventually even their manners did erode

With scores for politeness nowhere near the mode

So I apologize for being so informal

But I’m so glad I finally found someone normal

I don’t know what “WSR, WRS, MWU” are, but the other poems pretty much make sense to me.

Non-parametric tests, I believe. WSR = Wilcoxon Signed Ranks; WRS = Wilcoxon Rank Sum; and MWU = Mann-Whitney U.

I think "WSR, WRS, MWU" stands for the following non-parametric test based on ranks…

WSR: Wilcoxon Signed-Rank test

WRS: Wilcoxon Rank-Sum test (or Wilcoxon–Mann–Whitney test)

MWU: Mann–Whitney U test

Nice blog!

For my take on Wilcoxon, see p.252 of BDA.

Even us hard-working grad students need a break now and then; one can apply the delta method only so many times before needing to write a poem.

I should note that Matthew Flickinger, a very talented doctoral student, wrote a good half of these.

Love the "Literature" tag. Ha! Cheers Andrew.

Here's a poem along the same lines I wrote fresh off of my Ph.D. in OR back in 1990 or so:

http://pages.sbcglobal.net/sschulz/wwww10.htm

@Scott: like your poems! they are very beautiful!